How to Build Confidence with Tamara Pflug

Transcript:

Sofie: Hello everyone and welcome back to Claim Your Potential, the empowerment podcast. I’m your host Sofie and for this episode we are joined by Tamara Pflug to explore the dynamic topic of building confidence and embracing self-love. Tamara is a passionate fun and confidence coach dedicated to empowering women and girls to unlock their full potential. Through her insightful coaching she helps individuals navigate their journey towards greater self-assurance and joyful living. With a strong belief that fostering self-confidence and self-love can lead to a more fulfilling and empowered life. Tamara has inspired many to overcome challenges, quit their inner critics, and embrace their authentic selves with playfulness and simplicity. Please welcome Tamara, thank you so much for being with us today.

Tamara Pflug: Thank you so much for having me, Sofie. It’s really nice. I’m very excited.

Sofie: I’m very excited too and I would love to start our conversation off with hearing a little bit about your journey. What led you to become a fun and confidence coach?

Tamara Pflug: Yes, this is such a great question that I, um, I’m almost happy to answer. So I used to coach, first I was a teacher back then in Switzerland and then I, ah, started coaching, you know, people just on general life coaching topics such as time management, ah, weight loss, procrastination. And then I saw that no matter if it’s, you know, professional life and our personal life, it often comes down to our self-worth, you know, the way we see ourself and what we can like we give ourself permission to believe about ourselves. And then I realize deep down really it comes down to confidence. Self-confidence, self-esteem, self-love. All of it. So yeah, this is how I became confidence coach and I added the tagline fun because I believe that we can all live on complicated life and have much more fun. So yeah, to see the whole I came down to this.

Sofie: I love that and I know that so much of what you focus on is confidence and so for you, why do you believe that feeling confident is so important, especially when it comes to reaching our full potential as women and girls?

Tamara Pflug: Yeah, so I do believe and I feel it so much in my bones. You know, that most of the time what limit us to do anything, you know, no matter like what life we want to live, it’s really what we believe about ourselves. You know, we limit ourself, we think that we believe that we are not good enough, that we are not doing enough like all of these thoughts. They’re really like sneaky ones that actually really stop us from living the life that we truly want to live so I’m really not on a fight, on a mission to really help women, girls, to truly like believe more in themselves because I believe that we can move mountains. We can do so many things when we really believe in ourself and we don’t need any approval or ah, you know, um, yeah approbation from anybody else in the world if we give it to ourselves in the first place.

Sofie: Absolutely, and I feel like building self-confidence at least for me sometimes can feel like such a daunting task.

Tamara Pflug: Yes!

Sofie: And are you able to share any perhaps easy yet impactful steps that a woman or a girl can take right now to instantly boost their confidence and start their journey towards greater self-assurance?

Tamara Pflug: Yes, like one hundred percent and the very, very easy thing to start with is to stop believing what we’re thinking because everybody, you, me every year, every woman on this planet, we all have sixty thousand thoughts per day and most of the time we believe them to be true. And then we act, you know, in the world like thinking these thoughts and the most of it like believing them. So for example, just seeking a very easy thought such as I shouldn’t have said that; like just imagine the impact that when you say this like how do you behave in the world when we think we shouldn’t have said that. You know, like it’s really hurting like oh confidence so the very, very first step and I find it very easy is like I mean to start with is to really just like think thoughts for what they are. Just like clouds that are passing in the sky and not believing everything we’re thinking. There is really a difference and I love – I always left to, to talk about it or so with my clients that there is a difference between thinking something and believing it. Like it just a thought I see it passing in the sky I don’t have to believe it and then you detach a bit from the south, if that makes sense.

Sofie: Yeah, absolutely. I think that’s something that I’ve – I’ve heard a lot of guests talk about is really thinking about what you’re thinking and taking the thought for what it is rather than, you know, having that inner critic come out and start nitpicking and – and making it worse than it is. So for sure, I understand that that’s definitely something that I’ve faced and – and struggled with as well is – is really understanding my thoughts for what they are, for that face value rather than trying to – to find all the hidden meanings to why I’m thinking something. So for sure I definitely understand that and I’m curious, how do you work with your clients to really help them tame that inner critic and cultivate a more positive and confident mindset?

Tamara Pflug: Yeah, so insecurity or, you know, like a lot of self-doubt it shows really differently. Um, like each one of us so what I really like and this is why I’m like very passionate about coaching is that I believe confidence coaching and actually general coaching also is all about changing big things in life. Like by walking the everyday things so each time I like to ask, you know, people like my clients and girls and – and women like how would like their life look like if they would feel more confident in what situation. Especially because as much as, like you mentioned it before, you know, confidence it sounds all of this personal development, self-improvement. It looks amazing and that’s it at the same time, it looks like a lot of work. You know, like that there’s so much to do and it’s such a big topic, you know, like personal development. Everybody has something to say, everybody has an opinion on how to improve, you know, yourself. So I think I love to come down to very specific situations and it’s always different, you know, for everybody but deep down again it comes down to very sneaky substance as you mentioned before such as I’m not good enough. I should be doing enough or, you know, I’m not worthy or they don’t approve of me. Like all of these self-judgments and this is how we start but with very like specific situation of the their-to-day life.

Sofie: Yeah, and in terms of in a world that often bombards us with external standards and expectations, how can women and girls really foster an internal sense of confidence that isn’t reliant on external validation?

Tamara Pflug: Yes, so I think it’s very interesting you mentioned this because I had a conversation today with someone about this. You know we were all born like babies when you think about it. Just think about you born like as tiny as you can imagine it, um, eat, him or her that was born and the baby has so much value. Like it’s so worthy when you think about it and it didn’t do anything. I think that today we really think the more we grew up, we think that we need to achieve certain things. We need to, you know, I don’t know very cliche but we need to get married. To have a amazing professional life but not too much. You know? We need to still have a free time. It needs to look like something to give ourself like permission to believe that we were see. I think that society, you know, often also with like beauty and thinks it’s a lot of marketing. But it is true that, ah, they want to kind of selling a dream that when you’re going to get there, when you’re going to look like this, you’re going to be worthy. So I think that we can never solve internet problems like which is I think confidence. I’m not saying it’s an internet problem but we cannot solve it with external, you know, circumstances or external like accomplishments because it’s, you know, the kind of thing that you always tell somebody, “but you’re so beautiful. You’re so amazing.” But if you do not believe it yourself, there’s no amount of people that will tell you this that will make you feel this way. So this is why I think coaching is amazing is because then you don’t depend on anybody, um, in the, um, external world to make you feel confident and to make you yeah feel worse. I think deep down it’s really about feeling is, ah, worthiness. You know? We all want to be seen, heard, and understood but we have to give it, ah, to ourselves in the first place, for sure.

Sofie: Oh, my goodness. Yes, um, that – that worthiness I yes, I was, I was thinking back on my own thoughts and my own experiences with my confidence level and definitely once I got to that level of, you know, what I feel worthy of the experiences that I have the success that I’m that, I’m creating of the people in my life of whatever it may be for sure. My confidence definitely changed and went up and I realized that, you know, what I’m qualified I’m, you know, successful. I can do this, it’s not a problem. I got it. Um, so for sure I definitely understand that that feeling there.

Tamara Pflug: Yeah, I just think here what is very important and I think there is kind of relief like hearing this out and I wish I would have heard it like many years ago is that again like people, you know, when they give us this approval or like they tell us, you know, like “I’m proud of you or you’re amazing of this,” it’s never even what they’re saying, it’s, you know, what we make it mean. We then give ourselves permission to believe this about ourselves. And so this is why I’m saying, let’s keep any posts man post woman and let’s just tell lead to ourselves and cultivate his belief about ourself because I think that there are no upsides ever of beating yourself up. So I just wanted to add this that often we want people’s approval and what you mentioned before about but external world and like to try to be like good, you know, in the world and to succeed I truly believe that the – the first one that’s like the first person that needs to give us this approval and approbation is always us. And this is how we build this confidence and it’s an unshakable one. You know? Then people can do and – and – and be anyone they want around us but we have this belief in ourself, you know, that I feel is unshakable.

Sofie: Yes, absolutely. I was reflecting there for a moment, hence my silence because I mean absolutely there are so, so much of what you’re saying is really resonating with me and in my own experiences with my confidence and I’d love to talk a little about your coaching style for a moment here because I feel like so much of what your, you know, you’re saying and what you believe in, I feel like, you know, is such a interesting and a wonderful connection to your coaching style. And so I know that your approach to coaching really emphasizes fun and uncomplicated living and so can you elaborate on how incorporating that playfulness and simplicity can contribute to building confidence and a positive self-image?

Tamara Pflug: Yes, so I believe as I mentioned before that I say, you know, what is the beauty really behind coaching is changing big things by walking to everyday things just because sometimes like I use probably to be skeptical, you know, selling my coaching service because people have sometimes, you know, thoughts about it. Like does it work? Why Is it, um, in what is it different from therapy like many questions and I really actually love, you know what I said before? About, ah, like I love working with my clients on specific situations of their day-to-day life that it sounds very much, ah, yeah, it’s specific and not, you know, just being inspired and having positive affirmation to tell yourself in the mirror in the morning, you know, I find it very useful when we talk about you. Like real situation of our day-to-day life. So I add really the uncomplicated and the fun because when you get coached by me which is a bit different, you know of course than a friend because a friend is really here to support you but what I’m doing as a coach is that I’m like pointing at blind spots that you are not like aware of what you’re thinking and how much it impacts your life. And I believe this is why I’m – yeah, I’m really feeling good. Like being, ah, in integrity with myself, being in a fun and confidence coach because I make it fun so even the process of getting coached and feeling much more confident in our day-to-day life is fun by itself. Like when I’m coaching my clients of course sometimes it gets, ah, we get very vulnerable because like turning on the lights in a dark room. You know you don’t really want to see what you’re thinking because like you don’t want to make it me know what something about you said that you’re wrong or that you you’ve been doing wrong until now. But it just I like to really hold my clients kind of in a bowl. You know? Like just making sure that they’re being taken care of but also, I like to be not telling them the ugly truth but to really show them what they’re thinking that truly make them feel this way because I truly believe. And I, um, have three different coaching certification because I love to – to use different tricks and a tool for my toolbox and I really believe that our sorts create our feelings. So if we want to feel more confident, the first thing to do is to see also why we feel insecure, what are we telling ourself that makes us feel insecure. So I hope I answered your question but this how I want to say that also yeah, coaching is amazing but I like to make it fun and light because I believe also that we take ourselves and life so seriously and I’m one old person on the show. Anyway, we all gonna die but I’m one the person show that we can find much more joy and enjoyment even in these moments when we try to improve ourself in our lives. It’s totally possible to take it way less seriously and still live an amazing life, really.

Sofie: Yes. I know that when I take things way too. Seriously, it – it definitely puts a damper on my happiness when everything comes off as oh my gosh this is the end of the world, if this doesn’t happen, or if this does happen. And I think that some – that’s a quite a big trap that a lot of people fall into especially women. I feel like we want to do everything right and so when something doesn’t go right for us or something doesn’t or something goes wrong, we almost just tear ourself down and we’re like no, no, no, no, no, it’s the end of the world. You know? I messed this up or this didn’t happen exactly as I wanted it. Um, but as you said, it’s we take it so we take everything way too seriously in that sense where it’s sometimes it’s okay to make mistakes and it’s okay to say, “you know what? I might not have done my best on this and that’s okay because I know next time I do this, I’m going to try a little bit harder and that’s all I can ask of myself.”

Tamara Pflug: Yeah, and not to exactly what you said but also ah not to identify ourselves with what we’re thinking. You know often it’s never really what we’re thinking, but what we make it mean that is worse you know? Like thinking for example, I failed at this. It’s not just I failed that it and then you can do something else so you said that and next time you’re going to say something differently. It’s because you are beating ourself up like having this like so going into spiral, you know, thinking, “oh I’m such a bad person.” Yeah, I’m always like this, you know? I hear this for my clients and it’s touching me so much because they make really the worst, um, yeah, depend on what they’re doing on what they said you know and it’s know the case like we should never like identify ourself with first what we’re thinking one of us and not we are not our thoughts but also not identifying ourself which with like something that happened. You know? It doesn’t mean anything about us. This is when it comes to serious, you know, and I like to break it and saying yeah, it’s not that serious, you know, that and then the but so people are laughing like the clients and are smiling because it’s true. You don’t know what you don’t know, you know? So we need first to like put light on what we are currently thinking.

Sofie: Yes, oh my goodness. Yes, um, absolutely and no I love it because it’s, um, that passion really shows through which I think is so powerful. Yeah, absolutely and to really connect everything for our listeners, what is one thing that our listeners should take away from this conversation?

Tamara Pflug: Yes, I would say calming myself down, feeling grounded. No, I think now I think it’s important to take it seriously like confidence. I think we should teach this stuff at school and I used to be a teacher so I really see how much it could like help kids also feel better and not, you know, compare themselves. I see this a lot, I used to see this a lot. So I think it’s important to really for girls, you know, women to if anything would be possible what would their life to look like? I’m one or person should that everything is possible and now I believe we live in the best time ever. I’m sure that we can have time to work and like have kids if we want to. Get married, not getting married, I think that everything is possible also because we can get coached on our thoughts. You know what? People’s expectation have of us. And I have a lot to say, you know, about this because I’m for one not necessarily having kids, not getting married, and so I did a lot of work around this. So I love to help people to feel the same way, you know, and loving their life despite of what other people may think so to take it seriously like your life what you want your life to look like and at the same time not taking it too seriously. And this comes down to yeah, really pay attention to what you’re thinking and not believing things that you’re thinking. And I think it’s a skill to develop really to pay attention to observe yourself thinking. But when you think well you cannot observe sixty thousand thoughts per day but very often when we get triggered with lots of emotions it always comes down to what we’re thinking. So then when you realize and you’re just like it’s my brain. Brain’s got a brain you know I always love saying that? Our brain’s job is not to make us happy, our brain’s job is to keep us alive. So this is why eighty-five percent of things that we’re thinking on a daily basis is going to be negative because it’s looking for danger every single day. So when you know this, you are aware of it and then you don’t take it so serious that your brain is criticizing this person, criticizing you. You know? Like so you just take it more chill and have much more fun for sure. You know? In a nutshell.

Sofie: Exactly, exactly. And for all of our listeners that do not want to stop hearing your amazing wisdom because I know that I’ve definitely learned a lot from this episode.

Tamara Pflug: So nice!

Sofie: Where can our listeners connect with you?

Tamara Pflug: Yes, so I have a website that I started a few years ago that is called personal developments dot com and there I share also eleven believable thoughts that you can think, anybody can think in an instant to already feel more confident. So and you can find me also on Instagram that is fun confidence coach, ah, Tamara yeah. I forgot my first name.

Sofie: Absolutely and we’ll have that linked below in the episode description box for everyone. Um, so definitely go check out Tamara and again I want to say thank you so much for coming onto the podcast, Tamara. It’s been an absolute pleasure speaking with you.

Tamara Pflug: Thank you so much for your time. I’m very honored. So thank you so, so much really to you and to all our listeners for keeping the good work and having fun.

Sofie: Thank you, Thank you.