Self-Discovery with Bethany Inez

Transcript:

Sofie: Hello everyone and welcome back to Claim Your Potential, the empowerment podcast. I’m your host Sofie, and for this episode we are joined by Bethany Inez, to discuss self-discovery. Bethany is a passionate life coach, intuitive guide and healthy living expert based in Byron Bay, Australia. She has always been drawn to helping people unlock their true potential and find alignment with their authentic selves. Please welcome, Bethany. Thank you so much for being with us today. 
 
Bethany Inez: Thank you so much for having me Sofie, appreciate it. 
 
Sofie: It’s a pleasure to have you on. And I know that a lot of what you’re doing in your role is really revolved around mentorship and so I would love to know, you know, a little bit about how you approach mentoring and guiding your clients toward their goals? 
 
Bethany Inez: Amazing question. Okay, so I think the biggest thing for me is that I already see that people have the answers that they need within them. Like who we already are is a developed part of ourselves and every answer that we possibly need in our life is actually already within our soul. And what I do is actually guide people back into connecting with that part of themselves so rather than it being about getting the knowledge and stuff through me, it’s about I’m actually teaching them how to strip all of that back. To come back into themselves so that they can be their own, our own guide in life, I suppose the best way to explain that. 
 
Sofie: Amazing and a lot of where you’re at is, you know, on self-exploration. Right? Your expertise is really focused on, you know, making sure that your clients can really explore. You know who they are as a person, figure out, you know, what those next steps are and how to really be in touch with that. And I’m curious as to what do you think are really those biggest challenges for those pursuing self-exploration and how can they overcome them? 
 
Bethany Inez: Ah, this has absolutely got to do with the battle within. This is how I describe it. So you know we have all cultures and religions and even conscious communities now are ah, trying to put language into these two parts of the human. The two parts within us that are going on and in my area, I use it as our ego and our true self. And what happens is our ego is that fear-based part of our cells that thinks in a really limiting and confining kind of way where we don’t actually show up with our authentic self, it’s our love-based energy. It’s the connection with our higher self and being guided by our intuition. And so when a person isn’t aware that these two parts are actually active within them then they default back to the ego. They default into the fear-based part of them and from that space, you’re not actually connecting with who you are. You’re not connecting with your true authentic self and then being able to express it out to the world because the ego is so like trapping you into such a fear-based state that you’re not actually flexing out it into being all of yourself. So a huge thing that I do for people is bring them into the awareness of this battle that’s going on within them, getting them to really understand the difference between those two parts. How to know which one is which at each time and how to actually tame the ego so that they can bring through their true self and then when they do that, they get to be fully expressed as the authentic version of themselves that they were actually created to be.  
 
Sofie: Yeah, and I know you mentioned ego a little bit there. And I would, you know, love to hear a little bit more on, you know, ego and what its role is in really hindering, figuring out who we are or just who we are as a person in general? 
 
Bethany Inez: Yeah. Look you know to be a human is to have an ego. Right? Like you’re never going to be in this experience and not have one. It’s not about getting rid of it all together. It’s about understanding what it is and how to actually tame it. You know, this is what we’re here for. Is to be human is to be living in the duality and experiencing the opposite and the – the ego is the opposite. So it absolutely is something that you’re – you’re navigating ongoing. For me, I think it’s really important to understand how the ego lives in your mind and so that – that chatter that’s going on within your mind is actually that default part of you. It’s not actually your true self which is more that that whisper that’s behind the ego. So you know our true self is actually the observer of that voice. And so what I do with people is to really help them to disassociate with that part of like that ego within their mind as being them so that they can actually see the two parts and see how that one actually shows up in their life. 
 
Sofie: Yeah. I think that’s, you know, really amazing what you said there. And how you – you mentioned that you’re not going to get rid of the ego and I think that’s important to note here as we’re always, at least in the, you know, the self-improvement space, it’s a lot of it is on. What can we do to get rid of these feelings but can we do to get rid of this so we can, you know, improve and – and be more in tune with who we are as a person, with our feelings, with what we want to do. And I think that that’s something very powerful. To note there is that, you know, there are some things in this space where you can’t get rid of it and it’s okay not to get rid of it and it should be part of your life. It just should take a different form in your life. 
 
Bethany Inez: Yeah, absolutely like if – if you don’t actually have it there then you’re not doing the grading and you’re not then actually being able to discover who you are. Like we always need the opposite so that we can feel the depth of something in our life. So if we didn’t have the ego then we wouldn’t feel the depth of our spirit and love and our true self and so therefore it’s got a purpose. It needs to be there. But the purpose is that you actually show up and – and navigate it and that’s how you actually discover who you are. 
 
Sofie: Yeah, and I love that you mentioned self-discovery at the end there. I would, you know, love to dive into a little bit how, you know, you see self-discovery and how do you see it really playing a role in empowering women to reach their full potential? 
 
Bethany Inez: Yeah, Amazing. So I think self-discovery is the reason for being here. Right? Like we all have a purpose. I mean I think the ultimate reason for us to be here is to be on that journey to raise our vibration which is coming up higher into love. But as we’re doing that, we’re also learning who we uniquely are and what we’re here to do and I think everyone has like a piece of the puzzle something that they need to do here. And so it’s essential that we are on that discovery of ourselves so that we can bring forward that part. It’s also, you know, we’re not done until we get to that, like we’re always going to feel as though there’s something missing until we’ve actually gotten deep down into the, what am I here for, who am I really part of ourselves. And so to find peace in life, that’s the goal to get into that space. So, the more that we are connecting with our true self, the more that we are actually getting to connect to who we are, getting the understanding and the guidance into what we’re here for and so therefore the more we get to bring – bring peace into our life at the same time. 
 
Sofie: Yeah, and when it comes to these podcast episodes, really when we talk about self-discovery, I always love to hear, you know, the journey of the guest and, you know, where self-discovery, self-exploration has really impacted them and fit it into their life. And so I know that you do a lot of this work with your clients, but I would love to, you know, really unpack what your journey has been, you know to discovering who you are and really exploring yourself. 
 
Bethany Inez: So I think I’ve discovered myself by testing a whole bunch of things that I wasn’t. I’ve had a whole journey of like doing things that were not in alignment with my true self and – and experiencing the pain that they bring you. Right? Like actually be disconnected from my authentic self wasn’t an enjoyable time of my life and so that’s that duality piece where I – I needed to experience it so that I could come back to who I was. I think it’s been interesting. I’ve always had a theme of this purpose through my life of being a coach but I was doing it through different ways. Like in the beginning I know that even in primary school, you know, the girl in my – in my grade whose parents were divorcing, I was the one who would sit there with her at lunchtimes and – and talk it all out with her. And so I had this like, oh maybe I want to be a counselor kind of person. Maybe I want to go into that at some stage. And then I became a hairdresser and was doing that for twenty years and, you know, I often laugh about whether the clients wanted coaching or not, like I kind of had a captive audience there when you’re holding a pair of scissors over their heads but I was coaching them from like in – in the seat. But I still was thinking, okay like hairdressing is my passion or, you know, doing something in this industry is my passion and – and so the – the piece of what I was meant to do was always running through my life. I was just kind of off center of what it actually was. And so when I could really connect into like, wow this is the conversation that is what I really love. And it’s not even, it’s like learning the specific conversation of that you know, at that stage what was coming through was like really living authentic confidence was such a big piece that I loved bringing that forward for people and then I was like, “well hang on how do I talk about this when I don’t authentically love myself?” When I don’t, I’m not authentically connected to – to who I am yet. And so all these little nudges kept taking me through that journey and so, you know, I would just have continued seeking out who I am. Seeking out self-love, like removing all the parts of me that were fear-based or things that have come through like my family line and things that weren’t in question before I’ve just done the work, question it all until I’ve completely cleaned that out so that I – I know that I know that I know myself. Right? Like I’ve got so connected to my authentic self and then in that the emerging of my purpose and what I’m here to do was just so effortless to then come through. 
 
Sofie: Yeah, thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. And I really loved your mention of, you know, you really learned when you weren’t yourself and you learned, you know, really who you are from that experience. I think that – that that’s something a lot of us really go through and we don’t realize it at the time but you know eventually we realize it later. That when we’re unhappy and, you know, we’re making decisions that aren’t good for us, that aren’t reflective of our values and of who we are as a person we don’t see it at the time. We just, you know, we go through – we keep going but then when you reflect on it later, it’s almost like this overwhelming feeling of, “oh my gosh, I did that. Wait that doesn’t seem like me. What, I made that decision? I was with this person. I chose this job, hold on what in the world was I thinking?” 
 
Bethany Inez: Yeah, totally get it. 
 
Sofie: And I feel like we, yeah, I feel like we all have had that process in that moment of just, “what the heck is going on?” And so I love that you mentioned that really trial and error while might not always be fun. Might not always feel good and you know there can be lots of mistakes that happen along the way. It can really help you figure out, all right, this is what I’m not now, I know that. 
 
Bethany Inez: Yeah, look I think another piece that’s really important here is understanding. You will be doing this until you’re dying breath. Right? Like I mean, you get to different levels of it. You will be in your, in alignment with yourself and know when you’re in alignment. Like I’m very clear now when I go into my ego versus my true self. I’m very clear about it. But I’m still in the discovery of myself and that will continue unraveling right until the end of time. Otherwise, what am I here to do right? Like there’s – there’s this thing that I think humans are looking for. The when am I done? Like I’ve got to find the thing to do so that I’m done and for me, it’s like you’re done when you realize that you’re coming into alignment with this growth continuous journey and that that’s the alignment. That’s the end zone is – is being there. Being willing to be on it and knowing that it – it never actually ends and finding your peace in that being what this is. 
 
Sofie: Right. You’re never just, you know, done figuring out who you are. It’s you might be done figuring out a certain piece of you but there’s so many more pieces out there that will take you years to figure out, years to discover and, you know, as you said you are never done even to your last dying breath. They’ll still be pieces of you that you haven’t quite maybe figured out yet or that you’re still in the process of figuring out and so, you know, when people say, “like oh you know, I know who I am. I have it all figured out. You know, I know that this is my sole purpose in life is to do this or be in this, you know, career.” Or something like that and I always have to do almost a double take and go wait, you’re completely done? You’re thirty-five, how are you completely done figuring life out exactly? 
 
Bethany Inez: Um, yeah, no, they’re not – they’re not – not at all this – this actually it’s an egoic thing to think that they’re done and it’s and because it’s ego it’s coming from fear. Right? Like it’s when we are fully unleashed and fully released from our fears then we realize that the expansion never finishes and so we’re just constantly going into like the next. And then what else is there to find and understanding that your spirit is constantly shifting and moving. Right? Like you’re advancing and changing and so who you say you are at thirty-five has to keep growing by the time you’re sixty-five. Right? Like there needs to be something else that you’ve moved and shifted into and so finding peace with that constant change in flow, that’s the end zone. That’s all we’re waiting for, us to come into that. Once you’re in that, life just becomes this beautiful unraveling. That’s yeah, gets more and more enriching all the time. 
 
Sofie: Yeah, absolutely. And you know you talked a lot about, you know, this – this mode of self-exploration. Right? And how it’s this, as you said, it’s unraveling and we’re learning something new every day. And I would love, you know, to really pick your brain for a second on, you know, if you have any tips or steps or practices that people can really implement to get in touch with this journey of self-exploration to really figure out where they are headspace-wise? 
 
Bethany Inez: Okay, I would say the first thing is to understand how much we need to like tap into the emotion of the moment. Like how we actually – like your emotions are going to guide you into what you’re actually feeling about something. And I think we have, as humans become so numbed out to things like we’re just doing, “everything’s fine. I’m okay.” In that sort of survival mode where we’re not actually feeling anymore. And so to actually drop in, be fearless about feelings, your emotions, and going into them gives you a space to actually then be going, “okay well, this is what’s happening. What do I need to shift if this is what I’m really feeling? Like where do I need to go next? Or what do I need to do in this?” And it’s kind of like your – your signal to know like which piece to go into if that’s making sense. 
 
Sofie: Yeah. And I had another guest on that talked about, you know, the importance of really sitting in the emotion and, you know, I – I love that you mentioned that as well with that with really being okay with not being okay. That you have to really, sit in and understand what you’re feeling and, you know, not push past it. And so this guest that I had on talked about something, you know, similar. Sitting in the emotion and – and said, you know, we can’t begin to heal from anything, we can’t begin to, you know, really get past anything if we never address how it made us feel or if we never address what we’re feeling in that moment. And so I think, you know, as we’re talking about really self-discovery in order to you know grow as a person to grow in your life, feel like a lot of it comes down to all right, “what are the experiences that I’ve had? How do those make me feel?” And then a lot of that is if something didn’t make you feel good or if you’ve never, you know, healed from it or addressed it then, you know, maybe you might repeat the same decisions because you don’t know how it made you feel or you’re not aware of that internally yet. You know it might have made you feel that momentary like, “oh you know that sucked but I’m just going to keep going. It’s fine.” Only to realize later, “oh no, that wasn’t fine. That really bothered me.” And maybe you along the way to getting there, you made similar decisions and now it’s this pile on. Or maybe there’s things that, you know, happen simultaneously or they happen, you know back-to-back. And you don’t address them and then eventually like everything, it bubbles over and it’s like, “oh my gosh. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve had all these things happen and now I’m angry and I’m sad and I feel like a failure and I don’t know how I should be going about life anymore. Oh my goodness.” And so I think there is, you know, so much power to really sitting down with yourself and going all right, “how did this make me feel. Okay, this didn’t make me feel very good. This made me feel what? This made me feel sad. Okay, why did this make me feel sad. What can I do to, you know, make myself feel better? Do I talk to someone about this? Is there someone else external that was involved that, you know, I need to communicate how I’m feeling with?” And so I think that there’s so much power there and so I love that that’s been, you know the advice that you gave there because we don’t do it that often. We always tend to just push things aside. 
 
Bethany Inez: Well this is how we’ve been taught. Right? Like emotion hasn’t been safe as a human like we haven’t been, it hasn’t been welcomed and we’ve been told to – to shut it down and it’s numbed us out in a huge way. And I fully agree with everything you’re saying and what you what your guest was bringing into there and I also have this other piece of it where, you know, I see us as being a spiritual being having a human experience. Right? Like the default that people think is that we’re a human being that can have a spiritual experience whereas I see it as that at our core, our foundation, we are a spiritual being here to experience what it is to be human. And so your soul actually wants you to test out things. It wants to have the full spectrum of emotions and so but that’s exactly what you’re here for to – to experience, you know the contrast between joy and sadness. Like you need to have the sadness so that you can appreciate the joy just as much as like you need to have fear so that you can appreciate love. We need to have the duality here and in this really simplistic way of seeing that it’s like, okay my spirit is here to have the experience of being human and it needs to go through the three layers of me. So it needs to go from the spirit into the physical body which is you actually then having the emotion like experiencing the crying or the anger or whatever it is that shifts through your body and then coming up into the mind where you’re actually analyzing it and going, “okay, well what was that? How did I feel about that?” And once you actually do that piece of like, “you know what, I’m not okay with having that experience again.” Then you’ve completed the cycle and then it can go and what happens is we have the experience we generally don’t allow it to go through the body, we do anything we can to block it from going through the mind. And then because the experience isn’t complete the soul is not complete. So it’s like, “okay well I better reactivate that one again” And so we keep calling in these experiences because the soul is still trying to have the experience so it’s going, “okay, well let’s create it again. Let’s manifest it again. Let’s – let’s bring that back through.” And really majority of the time, what the human just needs to do is complete the process on one of them and that way it all stop continuously cycling into their lives. 
 
Sofie: Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that, Bethany. And to really tie everything together, I would love to leave, you know, our listeners with, you know, this one overarching piece of advice. And so what is one thing that our listeners should take away from this conversation? 
 
Bethany Inez: My biggest thing here is understanding that we are on a journey from fear to love and that all freedom is based on releasing fears and returning to love. That’s – that’s my biggest advice for if you want to focus on something, that’s going to be the game changer for you. 
 
Sofie: Amazing. That just brought a smile to my face because I think there is so much power in love and embracing love and choosing people and choosing decisions, choosing environments that, you know, are based around love and can really help provide you with that love, that feeling of love. So I want to say thank you so much for – for sharing that and sharing your wisdom. And, you know, for our listeners that are not done listening and connecting with you and hearing your amazing advice and your expertise and your point of view, where can our listeners connect with you? 
 
Bethany Inez: Thank you. They can find us – our website is reveal your splendor dot com and the same for Instagram. Our hashtag – handle sorry, is reveal your splendor and then this kind of information to really go on that journey from fear to love, Jump on the Supreme Splendor podcast. You can jump on Spotify or on Apple. And I’m like breaking down these steps in ways of viewing life so in in small lessons so that you can actually really bring this in and activate it in your life. 
 
Sofie: Amazing. Thank you so much for coming on to the podcast Bethany and for sharing all of your wisdom. I hope that everyone listening really resonates with a lot of your comments on love and just sitting in those emotions and really understanding that you’re never done figuring out who you are and that’s okay, that’s part of the journey. That’s part of life. And so I think there’s so many amazing lessons to take away from this episode and so I want to say again, thank you so much for coming on, Bethany. 
 
Bethany Inez: My absolute pleasure. Thank you for having me and yeah, I hope everyone got something really powerful out of this.